Love is a Decision
By Gayle Santana NOTE: If you are in a relationship where you are suffering abuse or endangerment of yourself and your family of any kind, this article is not for you. Get help, now! My husband and I have survived being married for 32 years. It was not 32 perfect years by any stretch of the imagination. We are as opposite as two people could be. We married young and added 5 children to the mix. Here are some of the decisions we made along the way that have helped us to stay together. -TAKE AN ASSESSMENT OF WHAT IS GOOD. A few times in our marriage, divorce crossed my mind. If you are married long enough, it will! But I took an assessment of the man I have in front of me. When I weighed the pros and cons I realized that what I had wasnt half bad. You have to know that every relationship has its cross to bear. A good friend of mine who I consider a serial divorcee once said, If I had known then what I know now, I would have stayed with my first husband. You see, you will have those times where you question why you should stay in this marriage but do keep in mind that everyone, no matter how perfect their relationship looks from the outside, has experienced some great degree of difficulty and thats putting it quite mildly. -ALL THINGS WILL NOT BE EQUAL. If you expect things to be equal in a relationship, youd better think again. You have to think in terms of giving. Am I doing my part? Is there anything I can do to make things better? And when you dont have much to give, ideally, your mate will fill in but keeping a scorecard wont make for a good relationship. -USE THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE AND RESPECT. Ive heard people speak of their mate in such derogatory terms that its no wonder things arent working. Check your conversation with and about your mate. Speak positively. You may begin to see your mate in a totally different light. -TAKE ACTION. Date Night, love talk/notes/calls. New relationships work because of the effort expended. When I first suggested date night on a weekly basis my husband protested. Now he looks forward to it as much as I do. So even if its a one-sided effort, dont worry, action is infectious. Eventually your mate will be inspired to contribute. -LOOKING/SMELLING GOOD Trust me what you see as your flaws, most of the time, do not really matter to your mate. Be flirtatious, be sexy. They make sexy clothes, underwear and lingerie in EVERY size. And smile! It makes wrinkles null and void! -GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND TO LET YOUR MATE KNOW YOU CARE. I do 99% of the cooking in our home. But I really dont mind because my husband is always appreciative, complimenting me on everything he enjoys and always thanking me for doing it. I let him know that I appreciate the things he does too. He fixes and builds and I never have to touch the yard. But every couple brings different interests and skills to the marriage. My sister and eldest daughter are the ones with a toolbox. My youngest son is a chef so hes the chief cook in his relationship. You have to appreciate what is in your world and dont compare it to so-called norms. -FORGIVENESS The ability to let go and move on is key. You must judge your relationship by your own rules. Even if those rules dont match the societal norms. Hillary Clintons husband publicly humiliated her in the eyes of many. Hillary made her own decisions as to what do about it and divorce was not her answer. Dr. Wayne Dyer says Be independent of the good opinion of others. This is particularly true in marriage. Tonight, as I write this, my husband cooked dinner, a rare but delicious occasion. Included were home-made lemonade, a hot towel to wipe my hands afterward and an order to sit down and do nothing because I deserve it. I could write a book about all the gory details that went on between the wedding and this loving relationship you see before you, but you should know its kind of like childbirth. You experience all of this horrific pain and after you see that sweet little baby, you forget all about what you went through. Make a decision to love the one you are with today. I did and I dont regret a moment of it. Gayle Santana has been married for 32 years. She a mom, grandmother, successful entrepreneur and an aspiring writer. Please email her at gayle@pvsnetwork.com. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gayle_Santana http://EzineArticles.com/?Love-is-a-Decision&id=186501 need a personal loan to pay off credit cards but my credit is poor 60 day loan what is project payday at home business sales calls reap payday
